Finishing treatment blog | Patient blogs

About this blog

Mrs Brown’s Blogs is an honest and frank account of life, family and education. Her blogs provided an emotional outlet for her to tell the world exactly how heartbreaking but also inspiring it is to watch your child go through treatment for cancer. Blogs written by Kerry Brown

Patient Name: Felix
Cancer Type: Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia
Age when diagnosed: 10

End of treatment – a milestone with a difference

23rd May 2019

I wanted to feel something

Today I went for run in the rain. I’m not really a runner and usually steer well clear of rain but today I made a conscious decision to throw myself into the elements. Why? I wanted to feel something.

As Felix nears the end of treatment, a sense of excitement is building all around us. This is the thing, it is around us not really within us. We are literally days away now from that date, 26th April 2019, but we have no idea what this means. It’s not something that is usually marked. In a child’s milestones, there is the end of the dummy or the potty or nappies at night. The end of stabilisers, bedtimes stories or primary school. It’s what kids do; it’s what we recognise, celebrate and pop in the memory box knowing that the future will hold greater and more exciting times.

Finishing treatment for cancer does not usually feature at the end of term achievements, first date conversations or the best man’s speech but this is the biggest milestone of my son’s life. It is the biggest milestone in our family history so far. The enormity of it makes me feel numb.

I want to see him fly

Of course, we are excited to see what Felix will become without the shackles of daily chemotherapy, blood tests and appointments. For the last 3 years, his wings have been clipped both physically, academically and socially. I want to see him fly, take risks and blossom. I want Talia and Rufus to no longer fear illness, absence and fatigue. Whilst our sense of freedom will be different from what we had before, I can’t wait to feel free from treatment plans, protocols and trials.

However, with this brings apprehension and fear. Since January 2019 our future has been mapped out for us. Our oncology team is like an overarching matriarch that has monitored and watched our every single step. Whilst they will still be there lurking, we will be on our own. For the first time in 1,183 days, we will be able to make decisions without verification from our consultant. From treatment by a dentist to our holiday plans – this will once again be owned by just us.

It’s just another phase in this strange old process

The next few weeks/months will certainly be a period of adjustment that none of us can foresee or really prepare for. We will continue to carry on as before with as much humour and self-deprecation as we can muster but if we are over-excited/withdrawn/hysterical/angry please bear with us – it’s just another phase in this strange old process.

And if you see me doing anything weird or extraordinary – give it a nod, you will know why!

This blog was originally published on Kerry’s blog on 10 April 2019.

If you’d like to share your story, email stories@childrenwithcancer.org.uk

Patient Stories

On finishing treatment, Felix and his family reflect on their journey to get to this momentous point, and question – what is next for Felix?