Now back to intense chemo and its side effects…
We are now back in hospital and have signed forms for a relapse protocol involving the most intense chemo. It’s an illuminous blue and so strong that all her beautiful red hair, that had just grown back, is falling out again.
In a matter of seconds our lives have been snatched away from us again. The holidays we had booked have had to be cancelled since Bella cannot now leave the country for a year. I won’t be able to watch my friend getting married abroad and once again my life, and everything I had fought to build up over the past year, is gone.
Here we are again, at her bedside, watching handfuls of hair falling out and the side effects of the chemo slowly taking over her body. She has been in such pain – unable to eat, drink or even speak for over a week. Her mouth swelling is so bad that the nurses thought she was having an allergic reaction to something.
As before, I sit in the chapel here at the hospital crying so much my tears flood the floors. I wake up during the nights crying. And Bella’s consultant has told me that if she was to have a transplant she would have an 80 per cent chance of relapsing again.